The experience of violence does not remain a mere memory—it becomes deeply imprinted on both the body and the psyche, and is repeatedly reactivated.
When a person is repeatedly exposed to intense stimuli, the brain responds by releasing stress hormones as a survival mechanism, which paradoxically leads to anxiety even in safe environments.
The trauma formed through such violence has continued to affect me throughout my adolescence and twenties, and it has not remained a fixed past event. Rather, it persists as a sensory memory that is constantly transformed and revived in the unconscious.
Deprived of stable family education in childhood, I was left to understand the world through media.
Games, comics, and online videos were not simply forms of entertainment; they shaped my ways of forming relationships, expressing emotions, and interpreting the world.
This environment profoundly influenced the formation of my memories, senses, and traumas.
This work explores the mechanisms by which memory functions, focusing especially on the disjunctions that arise in the process.
In moments when one attempts to re-experience uncontrollable violence through fantasy—or to escape trauma—memory becomes fragmented and entangled.
Memories triggered by trauma do not unfold in linear narrative but emerge irregularly as fragmented images and emotions.
Past scenes appear sporadically, sometimes overlapping, with some remaining vivid while others become blurred or distorted.
Memory lacks a consistent flow—specific moments are exaggerated or distorted, and memories from different time periods are layered upon each other, perceived as a single scene.
Within this irregular process of recollection, memory does not serve merely as a trace of the past, but constantly transforms into a sensory experience connected to the present.
Through the act of writing, I explore how these shifting memories can be externalized as narrative.
As sensory experience is translated into text, trauma is no longer confined to a subjective recollection of violence but instead becomes observable from a new perspective.
Memory is not simply reproduced—it is restructured through visual language, allowing internal conflict and wounds to be encountered in new ways.
Through this process, I seek to view my own experience from a third-person perspective, dismantle the cycle of trauma’s repetition, and explore the possibility of release.